Solving Ben Simmons' Problems & Breaking Twitter

 With the NBA Trade Deadline on the doorstep, it’s time for the NBA Trade Machine to be fired up and solve all of basketballs problems, hypothetically, and start the run to the title.

There have been mainstays in trade talks all year, Ben Simmons the most consistent of names, but whether big names will be moved at Thursday’s deadline is up in the air. For the sake of this column let’s assume that there are no limits, and everyone is on the table. Before we get to the entrée, let’s start with trades that are fun, but have little to do with title contention:

Mavs Moves

1.     European Romance

The move that makes the most sense for Dallas is getting Sabonis to Texas to play with Luka ASAP. Their play styles mesh better than maybe any two players in the league and the lineup versatility they would have could only be matched by Cleveland, but the Cavs are missing the true Superstar that Doncic is.

This trade is simple: Dallas receives: Domantas Sabonis | Indiana receives: Tim Hardaway Jr. and a 2024 1^st round pick (top-10 protected) from the Mavericks

2.     Beefed-Up Backcourt

Portland is looking to tank, if Indiana is looking to center their rebuild around Sabonis, the other move that would make the most sense is getting C.J. McCollum. The 30-year-old guard is nearing the end if not at the end with the Blazers and shipping him off to greener pastures somewhere is what’s best for both parties.

Like the Sabonis trade, this one is also easy: Dallas receives: C.J. McCollum | Portland receives: Tim Hardaway Jr., Maxi Kleber, and a 2024 1^st round pick (top-10 protected) from the Mavericks.

Milwaukee’s True Title Defense

1.     Go for Broke

Trade Specs: Indiana receives: Brook Lopez, Donte DiVincenzo, and the Bucks 1^st round pick in 2022 | Milwaukee receives: Myles Turner

The defending champs have hit a wall. The team that has run it back is not good enough to win a title this year, they need a spark.

Turner is the fit that would make the most sense for this squad. Turner is the “true” center and allows Giannis to attack from the wings on the offensive end. However, Turner can play at the 3-point line to switch up the pacing with Giannis manning the dunkers spot. Defensively, Milwaukee gets a better rim protector then Giannis, while shrinking the floor with the length they would have.

Grizz furthering contention/Toronto starting over

1.     We did Right by You

Trade Specs: Memphis receives: Jerami Grant and Kelly Olynck | Detroit receives: Steven Adams, Tyus Jones, Tyrell Terry, and a 2022 1^st round pick via Utah

Teams owe their players anything but safe working conditions, the best possible chance to win (that area gets greyer by the day), and a paycheck. They don’t have to award a player a cushiony landing spot somewhere else when their current situation goes south. Detroit doesn’t owe Jerami Grant anything, but he would get his wish.

Memphis would be getting a better version of Adams who can shoot threes and a two-way player that would fit right in with the rest of this roster because Grant has a chip on his shoulder. The Grizzles would also be adding two guys with valuable playoff experience and be shoulders to lean on for this young group.

Detroit continues their rebuild by adding to their chances of back-to-back number one overall picks to pair a young stud next to Cade Cunningham.

2.     Wile E. Coyote

I call this trade the “Wile E. Coyote” trade because Memphis could be standing at the top of the mountain hoisting the trophy or they could fall from what they presume to be the mountain top while a two-ton anvil crashing down on their heads.

Trade Specs: Memphis receives: Goran Dragic, Chris Boucher, 1^st round pick swap in 2022, and a 2023 2^nd round pick from Toronto | Toronto receives: Steven Adams, Tyus Jones, and the 2022 pick swap

Dragic would give Memphis a true baller handler and allow Ja to go crazy running off back door screens for ally-oops, cutting to the rim for highlight dunks, or kick outs to open shooters, while also allowing him to channel his inner young D-Wade. Dragic takes much needed miles off Morant, so he is more durable while playing recklessly so he doesn’t burn out like 2010-11 D-Rose. Boucher gives the Grizz a more typical hard-nose Grizzly on the defense end as well as a guy that fits right into this offense, a guy that the fans and players on the court both forget how good they truly are until he takes you to school. While dangerous, it could work out incredibly, and nobody would really bat an eye if this deal got done

3.     My Favorite Trade this year

Trade Specs: Toronto receives: Patrick Beverly, Taurean Prince, a 2023 1^st round pick from Minnesota, and a 2022 2^nd round pick from Minnesota | Minnesota receives: Pascal Siakam

I’ll admit, this trade doesn’t really do anything, but is just a fun trade.

Toronto would be starting a true rebuild finally following the departure of Kawhi Leonard by letting go of Siakam. The Raptors would really be trading for the picks while doubling down on this year’s lottery chances. Their front office in Toronto seems to know how to find players time and time again so getting the greatest number of chances to make this a quick turnaround is the best player for Masai Ujiri.

Minnesota on the opposite end of the coin seems to have some lightning in a bottle. Their core of Russell, Towns, and Edwards has put the T’Wolves in playoff contention and getting Siakam would make them a tough out, come tournament time. Siakam would better their defense and allow Edwards to learn from a natural scorer who doesn’t need the ball that much to get buckets. The system in Minnesota is like Toronto’s so Siakam’s adjustment time wouldn’t be that long especially since he is back in title contention. Siakam seems to play his best ball in the playoffs and getting more postseason minutes will only further that storyline. This trade doesn’t just give Minnesota short window either due to the length of the deals of Siakam and Towns. Alex Rodriguez is a fan of the back pages, so grabbing another in Minnesota doesn’t truly rule this out. It’d be fun.

Now, Since Simmons has been the main talking point throughout the season—let’s end with him:

Ben Simmons

I have conjured up four Simmons trades from more likely to the most ridiculous trade I’ve come up with since finding the trade machine in the fall of 2014.

1.     Troubled Star Swap

The most likely trade at the deadline is Ben Simmons for Bradley Beal. Washington and Beal have done everything they can to their marriage together, but at some point, you have to move on. Beal is up for an extension this summer and this roster around the district superstar hasn’t worked out on the 5^th iteration of trying to win around Beal.

Simmons needs a fresh start, like Kyle Kuzma did this past summer, the groundwork for Simmons’ comeback is laid in Washington. The Wizards are no stranger to reconnaissance projects, Ben Simmons would be the latest on a long list.

So here’s what the trade would look like: Philadelphia receives: Bradley Beal & a 2022 1^st round pick (swap) | Washington receives: Ben Simmons and a 2022 1^st round pick (swap). Easiest deal for both sides because both sides start over with a new trouble star.  

2.     Simmons to the California team he didn’t list

Trade looks like this: Philadelphia receives: Harrison Barnes, Bryn Forbes, and a 2024 1^st round pick (top 10-protected) from Sacramento | Sacramento receives: Ben Simmons, Wil Barton, Jeff Green, a 2026 1^st round pick (swap top-15 protected) from Denver, and a 2022 2^nd round pick from Philadelphia | Denver receives: Buddy Hield, Furkan Korkmaz, Alex Len, and a 2026 1^st round pick (swap top 15 protected) from Sacramento.

Like the Washington scenario, this gives Simmons a fresh start in Sacramento. In Simmons list he gave the 76’ers at the beginning of the season, he strategically didn’t list the Kings, but the funny thing is that it is the perfect place for Simmons to get back on everyone’s good side. If Simmons is leading a fun Kings team, putting up All-Star level numbers and getting his basketball legs back underneath him, this is the best way for Simmons to get back on a title contender and prove to contenders that he is a winning player.  

For Philadelphia they get a true point guard to play alongside Embiid and make the pick and roll more of a weapon. They also get extra shooting to space the floor and a slightly above average defensive option in Barnes.

Denver would go all in with this trade. They have a short title window with Jokic so getting the maximum amount of shooting around the defending MVP; as well as a pick swap would give the Nuggets the best chance at contending for a title this year—while making all other parties happy.

3.     Golden State Experiment

Trade Specs look like, Philadelphia receives: Andrew Wiggins & two 2^nd round picks (2022 from Golden State and 2022 owned by Golden State via Toronto) | Golden State receives: Ben Simmons and a 2024 2^nd round pick from Philadelphia.

The Warriors already did this with the player they are including in this trade last year. Andrew Wiggins worked out to be an All-Star this year next to Steph, Draymond, and Klay. With Simmons, they would be getting a younger version of Draymond, speaking of Green, he’s a big question mark due to a back injury. The only thing it would cost is one of their current All-Stars who hasn’t reached his potential until this season.

Golden State has made basketball fun again for Kevin Durant, so why wouldn’t sunshine and uber ball movement be good for Simmons too? The upside of this trade is a defensive team that mirrors the 73-9 record setting team without a healthy Draymond, and with Draymond it would be up there with the best defensive teams of all-time. Simmons’ passing ability would also allow the rest of the Warriors roster to set screens for both Steph and Klay to rain hell from long range.

Selling high on Wiggins is a big risk because he seems in sync with this Golden State squad, but he would be 80% of what Simmons was when he was on the floor in Philly, plus he’s a better creator to pair with Embiid. Somewhere Sam Hinkie is smiling because “The Process” would be complete. Wiggins and Embiid were not only teammates at Kansas, but the two players Hinkie’s front office was targeting by tanking all those years ago. It would be crazy, but crazier things have happened…   

4.     The ULIMATE Woj Bomb

This trade will make you do one of the following: laugh, become extremely angry, want to drug test me, or all the above.

I found this trade messing around with things—completely found by accident. This is the most beautiful accident I’ve ever found. This is truly a gem for better or worse. This trade would break Twitter and be the biggest Woj Bomb since Paul George ran away from OKC at 3AM, maybe ever.

Let’s layout the teams before we dive into it: Philadelphia, Portland, and Brooklyn

Yeah, I went there!

The damage looks like this:

Philadelphia receives: Damian Lillard and James Harden and 2024 1^st round pick (swap with Portland) | Portland receives: Ben Simmons, Paul Millsap, Tyrese Maxey, and four 1^st round picks (2022 Philadelphia, 2023 (top-10 protected) pick from Philadelphia, 2024 from Philadelphia (swap), and 2028 1^st round (swap) from Brooklyn | Brooklyn receives: Tobias Harris, Furkan Korkmaz, Jusuf Nurkic, Anfernee Simons, and 2028 1^st round pick (swap with Portland)

I’ll let you take a breath.

For Philadelphia, they redo their backcourt around Embiid and become the title favorites immediately. Daryl Morey has been eyeing both Lillard and Harden so getting both would almost certainly break the internet and get Morey an extension.

Portland smashes the reset button around Simmons, Maxey, and a bunch of picks. It gives Simmons extra time to get his mentals right and allows Portland to surround Simmons with a bunch of young talent to build up together.

Now Brooklyn, it gets rid of the noise around Harden, gets back a shot creator in Harris, shooting in Korkmaz, a big stopper (really an Embiid stopper) in Nurkic, and a three-and-d guy who is very young in Simons. This wouldn’t be the “Nets World Order,” but if Brooklyn’s front office thinks they are at the end of the road with James Harden, this move would give the Nets the best chance at fielding a title contending team this season.

As I Net fan, I believe the best road to a title is with James Harden, and I understand that I am breaking sportswriter cardinal rule by not truly defending my hottest take, but that’s where I am.

For a deadline that doesn’t seem to see much action, firing up the Trade Machine again has been fun. Let’s hope some of this madness makes its way from the machine to our Twitter feeds from now to Thursday afternoon. Call me crazy, but deadlines are always crazy, and tend to lead to titles. I cannot wait to see who seizes their opportunity. Brind on the madness! Happy trade season!