The Jets are Tom Cruise's best supporting actors


Jets fans live in that awful Tom Cruise Groundhog Day remake, The Edge of Tomorrow. Every year they go through free agency and the draft getting new players that us Jets fans assume will help us finally reach the pinnacle of football—the Super Bowl. Alas, we always wake up on schedule announcement day to a rocket exploding right in our face, and killing the dream of a Super Bowl win for yet another year. In 2020 Jets fans are still costarring with Tom Cruise.
As good as the “experts” graded Joe Douglas’ first draft and how highly regarded the free agency moves have been, the NFL has given one of the worst teams in the league a top-10 hardest schedule based off the winning percentage of the teams from last season. Let’s not lose this one fact in revisionist history from the year that gang green had last season; that being how atrocious the coaching job was from bug eyed Adam Gase. Gase proved to the entire football world that he could not manage the responsibilities it takes to coach a winning football team. He never has and has shown no signs of changing. I think Albert Einstein would call that insanity. So, what confidence should Jets fans have going into a new football season with Gase as the head man still? The only reason why last year’s squad got hot at the end of the year was so the guys on the fringe of falling out of the league got a contract to play this year. If the Netflix series Last Chance U has taught me anything, it’s that sometimes talent is enough to win a football game, but if you don’t have discipline you’ll always fall short. If that lesson from Junior College football doesn’t ring in Jets fans ears like a dog whistle than I guess you’ll wake up like Cage tomorrow but you’ll have robotic legs and without a competitive football team to route for. For those of you thinking “man, you’re putting this team through the wood chipper before they even lace up their cleats for training camp, give them a fighting chance.” Well, to those of you who think that way I present you the Jets first three games:

Week 1: @ Buffalo
Week 2: San Francisco
Week 3: @ Indianapolis
With Gase’s allergy to making adjustments in game how do the Jets game plan to stop Stephen Diggs in Week One, how do they stop the Harvard level offense from San Fran, or stop the magic that Frank Reich exudes? Easy, the simply give it the ‘ole college try, get their rear ends handed to them, and have Gase say “I have to look at the tape” after it’s all said and done. If it doesn’t happen that exact way, I’ll walk on eggshells to my front door, hoping not to walk into a landmine—and await to be returned to reality.
With an 0-3 record returning home for Thursday Night Football against the Broncos I hope that the Johnson & Johnson brain trust relieves Gase of his duties and allows Joe Douglas the opportunity to be the man in a room of toddlers. With everything I’ve said about the Jets so far Joe Douglas has shown so far that he is the smartest football person the Jets have had walk through the halls of their facility since Bill Belichick jumped ship in ’97. With the interim coach now announced let’s move to Week Four:
Denver on Thursday Night. Gang Green should have no problem handling Denver on a short week because if betting on football has taught me anything, take the home team on Thursday, unless the top team in the league is playing on the road. Don’t get to comfortable winning yet because Kyler Murray is coming to town in Week Five. And, thanks to the Darwin Award winning head coach that does the play calling for the Texans, Murray (who was already electric throwing to practice squad level players) has a legitimate target, D’Andre Hopkins. A quick cross country flight and the Jets have their first impressive win over the Los Angeles Chargers on San Diego. Joey Bosa will raise hell for our new offensive line, but Le’Von Bell will have his best game as a Jet and carry us to victory. After a skip, hop, and another cross country flight the Jets will stake another win and have their first winning streak of the year as they will beat those Bills at home in Week Six bringing their record to 3-4 and give Jets their yearly dose of false hope. The winning streak high will come crashing down from the Jets stream as Gang Green will get brutally beaten by the defending Super Bowl Champion Kansas City Chiefs in Week Eight.
In Week Nine, the Jets have their first revenge game of the year against the Tom Brady-less Patriots at home on Monday Night Football. Sam Darnold will have the chance to exercise the ghosts that have haunted him. I honestly believe the revenge game narrative will work for the Jets this season and they will come away with a narrow win on Monday night, think shades of the hurdle game. I know full well that Belechik slaughter the Jets on Primetime again but let the hope I still have for my team live for now. Week 10 will be the annual trip to Miami for the Jets “Annual Embarrassing Loss in Miami Game” because the members of gang green are the only New Yorkers that hate going to Miami. It’s unexplainable. Week 11, thank the football gods, is the Jets bye week so the weekly three-hour heart burn will get a vacation. Week 12 will be our return to sender game against those Miami Dolphins because like ever Miami resident, the phins can’t deal with cold weather, and that will allow the Jets to get their 5th win of the year. During which I think Darnold will have one of those special games he has every so often reminding us how incredibly talented he is and how lucky the Jets are to have him under center. Week 13 will be our second winning streak of the year with the victim being Jon Gruden’s Las Vegas (that doesn’t sound right) Raiders. The partied out Raiders always look lethargic when they come east no matter who they play.
The next two weeks of football will not be worth watching so you can get all your holiday shopping down on the weekends of December 13th and December 19th. The Jets will be getting beaten down by the Seahawks and Rams (scheduled loss) on the road while you’re waiting in line at JcPenny’s. The Jets will come back home after two awful weeks to another revenge game and their 2020 Super Bowl against the Cleveland Browns. What I want for Christmas this year is for the Jets to beat the Browns so I can finally stop hearing the jokes about 2018. I really want to beat the Browns. If the Jets beat the Browns this year I will think that the 2020-21 season was a success (yeah, that’s how low my expectations are for this team). Following the hopeful thumping of the Brownies the Jets travel to New England to end their season. Gang Green will still not party like it’s 2006 however (the last time the Jets won in New England in a regular season game) and end the season on a losing note brining their season to a glorious 7-9 record. Exactly where they ended up last season. Thus, putting us back in the same hole we are staring at right now. Thanks Tom Cruise.    
I truthfully hope this column is a reverse jinx and the Jets have tremendous success whenever the NFL season kicks off. I hope my way to early run through the wood chipper makes me look like a fool come January 2021. That hope is truly what makes Jets fans the most delusional fan base in sports, but I guess I’ll see you next year at the Sports Fans Anonymous meeting.     
               

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